We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you traded sex for a burrito?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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