dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
