It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
