I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
