Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I could fuck to npr.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
