When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
