Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
