let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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