hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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