Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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