I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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