Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
