you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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