Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
