My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
