I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
