Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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