I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
