Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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