I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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