I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
