It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
