I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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