The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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