The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
