LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
