I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
