There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
