she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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