maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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