Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
