Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
