haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
