She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
do nipples grow back?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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