I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
