I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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