I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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