If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
