Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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