You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
