she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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