I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize