absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
