I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
