so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
