Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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