I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
