you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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