I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize