just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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