i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize