Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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