So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
