i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
