So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize