So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
