# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
