sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
