You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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