i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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