I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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