A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
