do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
