she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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